I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize