ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
