I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
