She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
