Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
