paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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