I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
