I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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