After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
