"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
