remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
