did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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