ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
