remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
