Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
