He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Randomize