so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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