Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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