she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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