That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
