is your mom at the bar?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
