You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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