Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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