Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
