We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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