Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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