I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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