There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
