There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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