i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
