You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
