just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
