You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize