I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
