Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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