bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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