The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
