he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
