Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
