you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
