You just made me feel so damn special
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
