You're completely useless in the revolution.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
