did you get engaged???
we have officially lost it.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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