I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
