My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
there is glitter all over my balls
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
