Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
