I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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