Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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