Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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