I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
