I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
