Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
