I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
