I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
