I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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