dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
one might say we're banned from that church
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
