Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
