So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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