its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
