Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize