Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
