I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
