i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
