Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your penis caused this!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
