peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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