Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize